Let’s Make it Better
October 2010

By: Ramona B. Smedley

I am far too often appalled when I hear members of my own Race express prejudices against any group, displaying, from my point of view,  heartfelt passion about those prejudices. I am not talking about personal preferences as to which ‘culture’ one chooses to embrace. (Please note that I personally consider there to be various/different cultures existing within groups. Within one’s own group there may indeed be some cultures/behaviors/practices one might choose not to embrace or align themselves).  I am here within referring to blatant prejudices against an entire group or individuals simply because of their race, shades of complexion, ethnicity, religion, sexual persuasion, et al.  It saddens me when I hear statements such as “what a waste!” and the likes expressed towards certain persuasions. A waste as opposed to what? A waste for whom? I have often and recently heard that statement and others as piercing directed towards others with different sexual persuasions than some.  

I’ve wondered all of my adult life who is it that decided what a ‘norm’ truly is. Who gave them permission?!  Based on what? And, I often beg the question: How can individuals who for generations have withstood and still withstand the many faceted horrors of discrimination/home-built/bred, institutionalized prejudices/racism, based merely on the color of our skin, harbor such venomous and lethal feelings?? These behaviors indeed kill. We know!! Don’t we? Mr. Jim Crow was/is a monster! Further, when I notice and discern ‘religious’ individuals and/or organizations preaching and teaching “God is Love” on one circuit, I wonder how and when some of the transmitting circuits got crossed. The messages by many come across far too many times contradictory – crossed circuits, intentional or not!!

As I noted on my Facebook Status, I know firsthand the almost unbearable pain and trauma that a suicide death causes: my youngest brother, Taft. I know what it did to all of us and more particularly to my mother who lived for many years afterwards. I know and feel firsthand the pain, seemingly never ending, when a child transitions: my firstborn, Sydney at age 50.5. In my reality, time DOES NOT heal all; time only passes and, perhaps, with the passing of time, you learn, with daily, concerted effort, how to handle that pain a little differently. (Note: I fully respect and honor those who may believe that a transitioned individual/loved one is now in a ‘better place’. While others may receive your well-intentioned attempt to console, without grimace, I respectfully request that you please refrain from expressing that belief/sentiment towards me. Your hugs and love instead would be most welcomed and far more comforting.)

My heart has been quite heavy in view of these most tragic, recent occurrences involving bullying, resulting in suicide, etc. These are just a few – the ones that received media attention. Just a short month or so ago, I personally shared that same pain with a near and dear family of a young man, 22 years of age, who committed suicide. Again, very recently, I heard of yet another traumatic occurrence from a dear friend and co-worker. Trust me, there are far too many more with many different story lines – the never-ceasing pain and loss the same, however.

On the below URL in the following message from our President, he states, apparently from experience, that: “It Gets Better.”

I beg: LET’S MAKE IT BETTER. We all can play a role – discussion coupled with demonstration  (words without deeds = naught) might be the best starting point. Let’s individually first examine our true and inner feelings, our behaviors, and demonstrate that we can stop what might be an innate practice of EXCLUSION.  We must take our own inventory and discard personal maladies/flaws. We can make a difference.

http://www.whitehouse.gov/ItGetsBetter?utm_source=email81&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=itgetsbetter